Ohh það er sko búið að vera þessi svakalegi DRY SPELL...ég bara
hef ekkert til að segja ykkur...það er allt eitthvað svo rosalega
DULL (held að þetta sé rétt skrifað)
En í staðin að ég skrifi bara eitthvað bull sem engin vill lesa, þá
ætla ég að setja nokkra skemmtilega brandra hérna ykkur til
skemmtunar...
Vampire bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh
blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some
sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling
him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they
persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of
bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest
full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled
around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with
white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I
don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night
he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to
the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said,
You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with
black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He
breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young
couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying
the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then
gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the
husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He
probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in
years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't
resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no
matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I
love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute,
and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the
bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The
route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their
arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for
airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the
day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew
which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what
happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get
out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain
asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here,"
she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a
sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"